No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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