Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
