I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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