The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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