my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
