hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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