i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
