Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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