I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
