ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
