I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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