Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
