so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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