What a fucking waste of an outfit
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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