I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
