I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
