you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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