i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
