i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
