Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
