yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
