Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
