Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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