Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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