cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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