So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
