Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
