I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
