i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
