It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize