i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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