Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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