I need to stop coming to work sober
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
