Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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