...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
we have pet lesbian snakes
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
