This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
