I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
