Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
