i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
