Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
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