it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
