i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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