Someone shit on the floor
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
