i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
