NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
