he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
