Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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