You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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