yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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