mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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Enjoy the penises
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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