whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
