She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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