i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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