It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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