Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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