Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
