my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
FUCK WHALES
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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