woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
