Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I love you. Go after that dick
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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