Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
