i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
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yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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