he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
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So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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