What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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