There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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