He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
