4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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