she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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