Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
