He is such a slut. More and more my type.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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