history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize