Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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